27. Reminiscing The Past

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Makenna hangs up the phone when she finishes talking with her surgeon’s nurse. The nurse called to remind her of her pre-op appointment with Dr. Cassidy on Friday, tomorrow. The nurse also reminded her of her surgery on Monday, June 18, 2007.

Her Mom and Dad had arrived from their Alaskan Cruise late Tuesday evening. When she, Clint, and Maraya went to visit them yesterday, Wednesday, Maraya stayed behind because she said she missed her "Gramma" and "Grampa" very much.

It works out very well for Makenna, since she has to work overtime today and throughout the weekend to finish this chapter, before going in for her surgery on Monday.

Soon after Clint leaves for work, she quickly showers and dresses. She goes to the kitchen and gets her mug filled with her favorite flavor of cappuccino. Then she finally parks herself on her favorite side of the sofa, with her computer on her lap, and her feet propped up. Now, she’s all set to resume her wild imaginings be put into written words.

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For the umpteenth time, Steve looked at his airline ticket, maybe because he was anxious. And for the umpteenth time, he read the date marked on his ticket - April 24, 2000. The trip from Kosovo to Germany and then to Minnesota was very long and tiresome. It gave Steve ample of time to think and to reflect on a lot of things in his life. What went wrong in my marriage? I thought mine was the best—the kind that everyone envies.

He tried to think of the last time he looked at Sandy’s face and the last time he gazed into her, once elusive, emerald eyes, in ways he used to gaze into them, endlessly, in the beginning of their relationship. He had forgotten how beautiful she was. He couldn’t remember the last time he made love to her or the last time he held her in a sensual way that made her feel wanted and special. It seemed so long ago. He remembered the one time they had a major argument. It was so vivid in his memory, just the way it happened, a year and a half ago.

“You don’t even make love to me anymore! And I bet you could care less about it, either! You never have time for me and the kids. All you do is read and surf the internet! Sandy spewed them in one long breath.

Steve was taken aback and was stunned momentarily by her outburst. However, he was ready to retort. “Oh, so now, it’s my fault for not making love to you?! It’s a two way street, if you ask me! And don’t pull that crap about me not caring enough, because I sure haven’t seen you make an effort, yourself. You’re either sleeping or working when I’m home! Besides, what do you want me to do?! Come and rape you in the middle of your sleep or come after you and make love to you at work?!”

“Don’t patronize me like that!” Sandy started to cry.

“No, seriously, tell me, because I don’t see any other way! Do you?!

“It’s not like I work every night!” she countered.

“And I’m supposed to read your mind?!

“Yes!” In fact, that was exactly what she had hoped for, for him to be able to read her mind and to be able read what her body was telling him.

“Oh, Puhleese…!”

“Forget it!” she said as she sobbed more in frustration. She was angry with herself, knowing well that it was unfair of her to expect Steve to read her mind. On the other hand, Steve had sexual needs and desires, too, so why wouldn’t he go after her, anyway? But then again, Sandy had her needs and desires, as well. She could initiate it if she wanted to make love to him. She was doubly mad at herself, knowing that Steve was right again when he said,
“It was a two way street.” But, for some unexplained reasons, she wanted Steve to make the first move.

“Oh, no! You just can’t open a can of worms like that and tell me to forget about it! And as far as me not spending time with the kids, who do you think is taking care of them when you’re sleeping or working?!”

“Okay! So you are! And that’s fine and dandy, but what about me?! I need you just as much as they do!”

“There you are again! Has it ever occurred to you that if you get off the night shift and move to the day shift, you and I can actually connect? Have you ever thought of that?! Steve said, in a condescending tone.

“And you think that I like being on the night shift?! As much as I complain about being on the night shift, you still think that?! I’d be on the day shift, in a heart beat, if it were that easy! Believe me!”

“Well,” he said, snorting, “until that time, I don’t want to hear any more of this crap about us not having time together!”

“Fine!”

“About that crap of me reading and surfing, you know exactly the reasons why! You’ve never heard me complain when you ignored me and the kids, completely, each time you crammed to finish your competencies on line!”

“No, because I’m not constantly on line like you are!”

“I’m a doctor; I need to be more informed than you! So, naturally, I read more and research more! Bitch!”

With no warning whatsoever, Sandy grabbed a small potted plant from the end table near her and threw it at Steve across the living room.

“Sunofabitch! What was that all about?!” He was caught off guard. His immediate reaction was to stand up to shake off the dirt that covered him. He was lucky the planter hit him on the leg and not the face.

“For calling me a bitch! that’s what! That was uncalled for by the way! And don’t you ever call me bitch again!”

“And you, throwing things at me is called for?!”

“Well, you made me!”

“Don't give me that shit! I think this is getting out of hand! I’m going downstairs to watch TV before one of us gets killed! Because right now, all I wanna do is to strangle you to death!”

“Yeah, go for it,” she mumbled, but loud enough for Steve to hear.

"What, go for it and strangle you?!"

"Do you think I'm crazy?! I meant go for it and watch TV! That’s what you do anyway. If you’re not reading or surfing, you’re watching sports. That’s why we never get to do any family activities together.”

“So now, it’s also a crime for me to watch sports?! Is that it?!”

“I didn’t say that! And you know it!” Sandy was exhausted from shouting and arguing, for it was not her nature.

“I guess from now on, I have to ask permission before I can watch TV!”

“You’re so sarcastic! I hate you!”

“Who says I’m being sarcastic?! I’m just making a point!”

“The kids and I will leave as soon as they get home in the morning. (They were sleeping over at one of their kids’ friend’s house.) So you can DO whatever you want!”

“You can leave anytime, but not with the kids! You got that?! Just remember one thing: Once you walk out that door, you’re never coming back!”

“I know you don’t love me anymore and don’t even care if I leave!”

“Think whatever you want, but don’t be putting words into my mouth!” Steve said.

Sandy would have wanted for Steve to hug her, more than anything else, at that moment, to reassure her that he still loved her and cared for her. She also wanted, so badly, to hear him say that he loved her still. With the exception of the first two years of their marriage, Steve had never been the touchy-feely-kind of guy. Life went about as usual for them after that, without having resolved anything.

Steve's full bladder brought him back to his present. A good thing, too, because he didn't want that part of his life consume his thoughts forever. He got up to go to the restroom. When he returned and got situated, his reminiscing shifted to the time when he first met Sandy, fifteen years ago.

There she was with her three friends, bowling at the opposite lane where he and his buddies were bowling. Standing five feet, six inches tall in her slim, well-toned body, Sandy looked stunning. Her layered, medium-brown hair, with natural tight waves, went half way down her back. Her mixed race gave her a smooth, natural light tan skin that deepened into a gorgeous bronze in the summer sun. Steve’s eyes caressed her as he watched her every move, each time she took two steps forward, gliding her left foot on the floor before delivering the ball. She impressed him with her strong and accurate delivery. Years of training in gymnastics since she was five and training in tennis since she was eleven years old must had something to do with it.

Steve knew that Sandy’s beauty, with or without makeup on, could easily grace any of the beauty magazines’ covers. But it was her shyness and her elusiveness that challenged him to go after her. Even though the other girls were flirting with him, Sandy was the one he had his eyes on. She was the recipient of his full attention that night. Each time he looked her way; she’d smile and then quickly look away. He wanted so badly to lock his eyes onto those unusual, rare emerald eyes of hers. Unusual, he thought, because green eyes are normally seen in people with light or white skins and not on people with darker skins. Her shy smile, her deep dimples, and everything about her attracted him more to her.

Steve’s reminiscing calmed his nerves. They softened his hardened heart. He longed for the days when their love was fresh and sweet. He wished for those feelings of always wanting to hold and wanting to touch her—just like the feelings he felt for her in the beginning of their relationship, when he couldn’t get his hands off her—to come back to him. His deep thoughts were only interrupted when he repositioned his body to alleviate any discomforts from the cramps of his seat, when he dozed off, when he got up to go to the restroom, or when he ate his meals.

Presently, he asked himself several questions. “Will I still be angry at her when I see her? Will I give her a hug, or will I completely ignore her? What would her reaction be when she sees me?” Suddenly, rage took over when he thought of Sandy being unfaithful to him. The thought of her in the arms of another man had riled up his killer instincts. He told himself that whatever he didn’t do for her didn’t justify her infidelity, whatsoever! He despised her with such bitterness and hatred; he fantasized destroying her beautiful face until no one could ever love her again, or kicking her to the ground until she begged him to stop. “Yes, stop! What are you thinking?” he chastised himself when he brought himself to reality. He felt a chill travelled down his spine at his realization. He tried to shake the chill off. His head throbbed; too much negative thoughts.

“That’s not how I want to handle this,” he told himself. “Lord, please give me the strength to fight these evil thoughts. And please don’t allow these thoughts to materialize. I beg for your forgiveness, Lord. Amen.” He was not a very religious person, but somehow, something compelled him to pray.
He stood up and grabbed his carry-on bag from the overhead storage compartment and took a bottle of Tylenol out from his small medical bag. He dislodged three capsules from the bottle. Then he called the attention of one of the attendants on duty and asked for some water.

As soon as the attendant brought him some bottled water, he popped the pills into his mouth and downed them with it. He continued drinking the water until it was gone. He settled himself back in his chair and then closed his eyes again. Images of a woman in his past suddenly appeared to him.

“These are beautiful paintings,” the woman commented the first time he brought her to the house that he and Sandy were renting at a secluded area in Omaha.

“My wife painted them while taking an Art class for one of her electives in college,” Steve said

“Oh, Cathy, why now?” Steve presently grumbled to himself. This was one chapter in his life he wasn’t proud of about himself. He tried to erase this chapter from his memory. He hated it that it had come back to haunt him now.
The affair occurred during his last year at Creighton University—six years after he and Sandy were married. Cathy was his research partner for their project in Oncology their final year of medical school. They’d spent so much time together; they eventually succumbed to the temptations of lust and passion. Sandy was naïve and never suspected about the affair. All of their married years, she believed Steve stayed faithful to her and believed that he was truly dedicated to her. Most of Steve and Cathy’s activities happened at Cathy’s. Being a single woman, she had no one to worry about. Occasionally, when Sandy went home to Minnesota, Steve brought Cathy to the house that he and Sandy shared. The affair ended a few months after Cathy moved northeast to Boston to do her residency and after Cathy realized that Steve wasn’t going to divorce Sandy for her.

Now, how could he criticize his wife for being unfaithful when he himself was one? “Ahhh, but that was then and hers is now. She didn’t know about mine while I know about hers. I didn’t have a child as evidence while she’s going to have one to complicate our family life!” He tried to justify himself in his mind. He could go on justifying himself, but that wouldn’t make him any better than his wife is. He was thankful that his unpleasant thoughts were interrupted by the captain’s overhead announcements.

“This is your captain speaking. We’re now flying over Chicago at an altitude of 30,000 ft. The current time is 2:15 in the afternoon and our approximate time of arrival at Minneapolis-St. Paul is 3:00 in the afternoon local time. We’ll start our descent to 22,000ft in fifteen minutes in preparation for our approach at Minneapolis-ST. Paul International Airport. Current conditions are clear and sunny at 45 degrees Farhenheight.”

Steve opened his eyes and kept them opened. He was glad to be home soon at last.

TO BE CONTINUED....